It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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