the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
