i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
