im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
