i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
