Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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