OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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