toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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