I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
