..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
