She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
