dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
