i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
