All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I supernannyed him into submission
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
