Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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