just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
