Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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