mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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