You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
