i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
