She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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