I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm at about main and main street
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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