Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
