She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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