Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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