As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
