I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
