you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
