you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
