I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
