No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
