i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
