if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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