There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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