so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
