Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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