Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
