After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
