My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
