were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
