A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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