We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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