Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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