Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
