There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
this hospital has no fireball
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize