I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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