Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
