Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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