every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's official drugs can't kill me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
