New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
