Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
