the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is wine microwaveable?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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