the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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