he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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