I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
